


Gravity Falls season 1: Sanders Sides style

by shootingcookielover



Series: Gravity Falls: Sanders Sides style [1]
Category: Gravity Falls, Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Crossover, Non-Binary Virgil Sanders, Non-binary character, Some Swearing, character!thomas is a cat lol, spoilers for gravity falls i guess, virgil is patton and logan's parent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:42:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28322550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shootingcookielover/pseuds/shootingcookielover
Summary: After an... incident... involving Patton, Logan and a cat, Virgil decides the three of them should go to Gravity Falls over summer break instead of staying home as they had originally planned.
Series: Gravity Falls: Sanders Sides style [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2074212
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	1. Prologue

“Are you certain this is a good idea?”

Logan didn’t bother to look up from his console as he asked, resorting to simply raising an eyebrow in skepticism.

His twin brother, Patton, only waved his concerns away with one hand. “Pfft!”, he said, “This is the goodest idea I’ve ever had!”

“Like covering yourself in honey to become the first bee king?”, Logan further questioned, attention still mainly on his console. “Or setting all those animals in the zoo free?”

“Exactly!”, Patton agreed, ignoring the long-suffering sigh from his brother.

With an enthusiastic mindset, Patton began his climb. Discreetly, Logan glanced over the top of his handheld, watching his brother scale the school’s wall.

Even though it was night, it wasn’t hard to keep track of Patton; the blond boy had opted to wear a self-made hoodie that glowed in the dark. Not bright enough to attract too much attention, but just enough that Logan could make out his form.

This was by far the dumbest idea Patton had had to date and Logan was here to watch everything go up in flames - and help his brother out whenever needed. Not that he’d admit it out loud, but he wasn’t heartless. He loved his brother and he wanted to see him succeed.

Which was why he was here, at one in the morning, watching Patton climb up the side of the school building in order to pet the cat that lived in the upper stories, where only teachers were allowed to go.

Patton, meanwhile, didn’t have any concerns. He still firmly held the opinion that this was the greatest plan that anyone had ever come up with.

The school’s outer walls practically begged to be climbed up and he could almost hear the kitten’s screams now; calling out for him to pet it.

Actually, now that he had gotten to the second floor, he  _ could  _ hear the cat scream. 

It wasn’t a happy scream though, neither was it a scream for pets or attention. More like a reaction to pain.

With a frown, Patton increased his speed, getting to the roof of the third floor in half the time it had taken him to get past the second one.

His hands felt slightly sore as he pulled himself up on the building. A few steps ahead was the famous glass door, that the cat was often spotted behind.

A bit of actual concern bubbled up inside Patton as he realized that there was light behind the door. Why would there be light behind the door?

He crept closer, peering through the glass. The cat’s scream had died down by now, which did little to ease Patton’s worry.

The light he could see through the door was only what spilled into the room from a different part of the building, bordering on this room. His frown deepened.

The cat let out another scream of pain and, to Patton’s surprise, it’s lanky form shot into the room with the glass door. The animal didn’t go for any of the obvious hiding spots Patton could just make out in the dark; like that couch or that cat tree.

Instead it stopped in the middle of the room before turning it’s eyes towards the boy standing on the roof.

It’s eyes appeared to almost glow in the darkness.

With a glance back towards the room it had come from, the cat approached the glass door.

Patton sunk down to his knees, to be somewhat closer to eye-level with the animal.

Now that he was this close to it, he could see what he had never realized before; the animal was deathly thin. Even with just the slight glow of his sweater he could make out bones beneath skin and matted fur. Could see the desperate, pained look the cat was giving him.

The animal meowed at him, went as far as to reach out with one paw and put it against the glass.

Hesitantly, Patton lifted his own hand to put it against the cat’s. It looked… nothing like what Patton would consider healthy for a cat and Patton had seen a lot -  _ a lot -  _ of cats. 

With one last glance towards the room the animal had come from, Patton pulled back his hand and whispered: “Step back from the glass, okay?”

He had made a decision and nothing could stop him now.

The cat looked quite confused, but, after Patton told it again, more insistently, it backed up. Only armed with a deep breath, Patton got to his feet,

He pulled his arm back, formed a fist with his hand and---

_ Crash! _

The glass door burst beneath his punch, exploding into a million pieces. A shout from the other room -  _ “What the fuck are you doing, cat?!”  _ \- Patton hurried into the room. He scooped up the cat, who didn’t resist him at all.

As he turned around to run out, somebody stepped into the room. Patton already couldn’t see them and he wasn’t going to turn around and show his face.

Instead, he took off running.

_ “What the-- hey, kid, come back! The fuck do you think you’re doing?! Get back here!” _

But Patton wasn’t listening.

“Lo-bro!”, he yelled, his nickname for Logan, “Change of plans!”

To his luck, Logan was not an idiot. The moment he had heard the shattering of glass echo through the night, he had turned off his console and safely put it away in his back.

In it’s stead he now held a sling shot.

As Patton’s form came into view, he readied himself. That there appeared to be something on his brother’s shoulders he didn’t notice - not yet anyways. What he noticed was the dark figure following Patton.

As the heart of the operation swung himself over the edge of the building to quickly climb down - a deadly endeavor for anyone who wasn’t Patton, probably - Logan took his first shot.

The person following Patton was barely more than a silhouette against the silvery moon in their back, and right now, that helped. He made quite the good target and Logan hit him right in the head.

_ “Ow! What the fuck!”,  _ the figure yelled before bending over and pressing a hand to his face.

Logan shot another two stones for good measure before Patton was next to him and pulled him along, away from the school. 

“What did you do?!”, Logan hissed at his brother, finally looking at him. What he saw didn’t make him any happier. At all. “Is that the  _ cat?!” _

“He is clearly getting abused, Lo-lo!”, Patton replied, his voice just as hushed as his brother’s. “I couldn’t just leave him there!”

With an annoyed groan Logan ran a hand through his hair.  _ “Whatever.” _

He wouldn’t admit it, but the cat actually didn’t look particularly healthy.

“What are we gonna do?”, Patton now asked, risking a glance over his shoulder.

The street was empty.

Logan pulled him into an alley. “Change out of that sweater.”, he commanded and held open the bag for Patton to put the piece of clothing in.

His twin nodded and the cat, as if knowing his presence on Patton’s shoulders was a hindrance, jumped into the bag. Or maybe because the animal had been taught to do that when presented with an opened bag. Logan wasn’t thinking clearly at the moment.

Patton quickly pulled the sweater off and carefully placed it beside the cat.

“You’ll have to stay in there for a bit, okay?”

The animal meowed as if to answer and curled up next to the sweater. Logan quickly closed the bag.

“Now let’s get home before that person finds us.”

  
  


\--

“You did WHAT?!”

Patton winced at his parent’s volume. The cat nuzzled his chest, as if to calm him.

“We saved a cat from an obviously abusive home.”, Logan explained, much more eloquently than Patton had before. He also adjusted his glasses and tugged at his tie; a sure-fire way to tell he was nervous.

Their parent, Virgil, meanwhile was pacing along the length of the living room. They were muttering to themself and running their hands through their hair in stress, while their eyes kept moving towards the door, as if expecting someone to burst through any second now.

“You KIDNAPPED a CAT!”, they finally replied, voice gaining some more volume, before they seemed to break down and they sunk onto the couch behind them, a defeated look on their face.

“A cat.”, they mumbled. “Oh, this is so much worse than the bee or the zoo incident. They’re gonna find out you kidnapped the cat and we’re all going to jail and they’re gonna take you away from me, this is my last strike--”

In the midst of Virgil’s ramblings, the cat slid from Patton’s lap and slunk over to Virgil’s, where he lounged down in an obvious attempt to placate the anxious adult.

“---and, and…”, their voice sputtered to a slow stop as they looked down at the cat. In their youth they’d had a cat themself; the same breed even.

This was  _ not  _ a healthy cat. Carefully, they reached out to pet the animal.

The cat began to purr right there, nuzzling into Virgil’s touch as if it didn’t know anything but harmful touches.

“I’m sorry.”, Patton suddenly spoke up, looking at the floor in shame. “I just… I couldn’t just leave him there. You see what he looks like, and, and--”, he cut himself off.

“...I understand.”, Virgil quietly replied. “I do. I just… that social worker - Susan… she already has it out for me and after all those… incidences… I don’t know if I can convince her to let you guys stay with me anymore.”

Tears pricked at Patton’s eyes. He looked at Logan who wouldn’t meet his eyes, instead fiddling with the gaming console again, though he seemed to be doing it more out of habit than anything else. His attention was obviously elsewhere.

“...I’m sorry…”, Patton whispered again, wrapping his arms around himself in an attempt at comfort. Tears began actually trickling down his face.

Virgil sighed. The cat jumped from their lap and they used the opportunity to scoot closer to their son. They wrapped an arm around Patton’s shoulders and pulled him close. 

“It’s okay.”, they whispered. “I promise, it’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.”

Patton turned towards them and buried his face in their hoodie. Sobs wracked his body as he started full-on weeping.

Virgil held him, mumbling soothing words to the crying child.

When Patton began quieting down, there was a loud meow.

Confused, Virgil looked up; only to find the cat sitting on the coffee table with a piece of paper in it’s mouth. As soon as it had attracted Virgil’s attention, the animal dropped what it was holding.

“Wh- what’s that?”, Patton quietly asked. He had begun to pull back from his parent, still rubbing his teary eyes. The cat quickly climbed up the couch and on the child’s lap.

His parent reached out and looked at the paper closer.

It was a letter that they had discarded earlier that day. 

Their face suddenly lit up. 

“I know what to do.”


	2. Episode 1

The day was hot; way too hot. At least Logan thought so.

His shirt, though it was the thinnest he owned, stuck to his skin from all the sweat. Stored the heat inside and simply multiplied the amount of salty water he produced. 

He pulled at the collar of his shirt and fanned himself in hopes to get a bit of relief, though there was barely any to be gained.

Next to him Patton didn’t seem bothered by the heat at all, but then again Patton was barely bothered by anything. The bubbly boy had resorted to determining what kind of things were hidden beneath the bus cushions. 

Occasionally he would ask Logan for input. He didn’t do it a lot, which Logan couldn’t fault his brother for; Logan simply wasn’t the creative one of the two. Or the one to get excited about a coin stuck on some old gum.

His attention was still mostly on the gaming console, but now his hands were sweaty and the heat made his thoughts slow, which made him horribly inefficient at what he was trying to accomplish and frustrated him to no end. 

Next to him Virgil had pulled on a pair of headphones and was staring out of the window, occasionally glancing up at the screen displaying where the bus would next stop, just to make sure they hadn’t missed their stop.

They, at least, seemed to feel the heat, as they had pulled off their hoodie at some point, leaving them in a purple t-shirt that looked as soaked as Logan’s felt.

“Lo-bro! Look! Look!”, Patton suddenly exclaimed and shoved something in Logan’s face.

Instinctively, he recoiled from whatever his twin brother had found.

“It’s a potato chip!”, Patton happily explained, not bothering to acknowledge his brother’s disgusted look.

“...gross.”, Logan commented.

His brother ignored him and instead shoved the chip into his mouth.

Logan felt sick.

“Ew, Patton, don’t do that.”, he reprimanded. 

His brother, still chewing, only answered with a confused “Why not?”, spraying bits of the chip everywhere. 

“...nevermind.”, Logan mumbled, voice resigned.

He was pulled from the conversation by his parent. Their hand landed on his shoulder, and when he looked over, Virgil said: “The next stop is ours.”

They had already taken off their headphones and were moving to stand up.

“Oh! Yay!”, Patton scrambled to pick up his bag and shove all the ‘treasures’ he found into his pants’ pockets.

Still feeling quite icky about Patton’s chosen pastime, Logan scooted a bit away from his brother as he packed away his console. It wouldn’t do to carry luggage while having to keep ahold of the handheld, even though Logan would have loved to.

Together, they stepped outside and, as it turned out, the day itself wasn’t that hot. It was merely the poorly ventilated vehicle that had made it seem a much higher temperature than it actually was.

The outside air was quite pleasant, actually.

That was to say, the temperature was pleasant. The smells clouding the area… not so much.

Logan quickly reached up to cover his nose, noting that Patton did the same thing, after finally letting the cat out of his bag. (The bus hadn’t allowed animals on it, so they’d had to smuggle the little fella on board.)

The source of the foul smells appeared to be the man Virgil was currently greeting.

“Uncle Roman!”

“Heya, kid! It’s been forever since I’ve seen ya! Where’d all that eye-shit go?”, the man, apparently named Roman, went in for a hug, that Virgil swiftly dodged. 

Understandable in Logan’s opinion. Not only did the man stink awfully, but his green suit carried obvious stains and there were a few flies buzzing around him.

“You mean the eye-shadow?”, Virgil replied, self-consciously pulling down their bangs as if to hide their face. “I didn’t have time to put it on. We, uh, kinda left in a hurry.”

“Oh!”, Roman turned his attention towards Patton and Logan, only to shift it back to Virgil. “What did ya do?! Arson? Fraud? Murder?!”, as if the hurried phone call at two in the morning, asking if the three could stay with him for the summer break wasn’t indication enough that they’d done something… less than ideal.

Patton squeaked at the man’s words and quickly waved his arms and shook his head to indicate a hard  _ no.  _

“We saved a cat from an abusive home.”, Logan decided to elaborate.

The man’s eyes lit up. “You kidnapped a cat?!”, he was absolutely too excited about the prospect of that for Logan’s tastes. Roman turned towards Virgil and gave them a light punch in the shoulder. (Or perhaps not  _ that  _ light, judging by their reaction.) “I knew you had it in ya, kid!”

Logan shared a glance with his brother.

Patton appeared to have the same thought process of “this is the guy we’re supposed to live with for several weeks? We’re going to die or get arrested.”

“Well, anyway, let’s get you settled, eh? I got a nice room set up for the little ones and you can use the break room!”, Roman said, interrupting the twin’s silent conversation. “Come along, kids!”

With one last, shared glance, the twins moved to follow their parent and great-uncle.

They each pulled their own suitcases, Roman not offering to help at any point during their journey. On the way to what Roman called the ‘Mystery Shack’, Logan felt hot again. The sweat came back with a vengeance, drenching his shirt once more and hiking up his uncomfortable meter to unacceptable heights.

Patton, next to him, didn’t seem to fare much better, which was a surprise. The guy was the most durable person Logan had ever met -  _ ever. _

Yet he displayed symptoms of suffering from the heat. Sweat was running down the side of his head, his tongue was stuck out like a dog’s and he kind of dragged his feet when he walked.

With the adults locked into their own conversation - catching up and the like from what Logan could tell - he decided the logical thing to do, was to strike up communication between him and his brother as well.

“I couldn’t find Gravity Falls on any map.”, Logan started with, eyes trained on the road ahead.

“What?”, Patton replied, wiping his brows. 

“No matter what terms I used, there were no results anywhere on the internet. There were just a few blog posts that mentioned it, but nothing concrete.”, Logan elaborated further, eyes roaming the surrounding buildings. 

“That’s… odd…”, Patton commented, now eyeing the houses and people with the closest thing the naive boy could get to wariness. “You sure?”

“Quite.”, Logan replied. “Unless I made a grave spelling mistake that would leave the name unrecognizable, which I, understandably, heavily doubt.”

Patton nodded along to Logan’s words. “Why do you think that is? That it’s not on maps and stuff?”, the boy’s eyes lit up. “Do you think there could be… mysteries to be solved?”

Logan gave a fond huff. “I suppose you could call it that.”

“Yes!”, Patton replied, pumping his fist into the air. “The mystery twins are back in business!”

Logan snickered at his brother’s antics; a rare display of emotions that Patton answered with a dazzling smile.

“Keep up, boys! We’re almost there!”, Roman called from the front, leading to both children scrambling to catch up with the adults.

The Mystery Shack was a decrepit building, smackdab in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by a thick pine forest. The sign at the top, proclaiming it’s name for all to see, was incomplete, as the ‘S’ had fallen down and now resided right beside the house’s porch. The roof looked to have several missing tiles and, what Logan hoped was moss, covered most of it.

“Here she is!”, Roman unnecessarily said, putting both hands against his sides in a show of pride. “The Mystery Shack!”

Logan wasn’t impressed. The building looked like it would give you at least five different diseases the moment you stepped inside.

Patton shared none of his brother’s reservations. Excitement about the resurgence of the mystery twins - an old term they had used to describe themselves when they were younger, inspired by Logan’s discovery of Sherlock - made him bounce in place, eager to get rid of the luggage and start investigating.

“Still as… impressive… as I remember.”, Virgil commented, choosing their words carefully.

“Aye! She’s quite the glory to behold, isn’t she? Almost as beautiful as the face of a dude you just  _ f-- _ ”

“ANYWAY.”, Virgil loudly interrupted, a heavy blush on their pale cheeks. “We should probably get settled! You said something about a room for these two?”

The old man nodded. “Yes, yes! Follow me!”

“What do you think Grunkle Roman was gonna say?”, Patton whispered to Logan, eyes wide with curiosity.

Logan, intimately familiar with the awkwardness of protecting his brother’s innocence, shrugged. “No idea.”

“He started with an f, right? Maybe… a guy you just farted at?”

“Patton.”

“Or fawned over?”

“Please.”

“What about ‘ _ fermented’ _ ?”

“Patton, that doesn’t even make sense.”

“Ooooh, I bet it was--”

Patton never got to finish the sentence, as he stumbled over a loose floorboard. With a yelp and a thump he hit the floor.

“Oh, watch out for that board! It’s loose.”, Roman felt the need to add, for some reason.

Logan rolled his eyes. “A warning beforehand would have been quite appreciated.”, he remarked.

The old man stared at the boy for several moments before replying: “...what?”

Virgil, who was helping his son back to his feet, rolled their eyes. “Just tell us  _ before  _ one of us falls, next time.”

Roman laughed. A rough kind of laugh that indicated a less than healthy lifestyle. “Can do!”

With a bit of grumbling from Logan, the little family followed the old man farther into the building.

To Logan’s dismay, the inside was about as disgusting looking as the outside. Maybe a bit less, if he was being generous. He was going to stay here for a while. The thought made him shiver.

This time it was Logan who fell; his foot got stuck in a broken piece of floor and he face planted into a disgusting smelling rug.

As quick as he could, he pushed himself up, rubbing his face as harsh and as much as he could, while he was at it.

“I thought you said you’d warn us!”, Virgil exclaimed.

Roman blinked at them. “...oops?”, he offered then. His face betrayed any and all remorse, by showing off an amused smirk.

Logan huffed.

“Anyway!”, the old man said, clapping his hands. “You kids’ll be staying upstairs in the attic. EMILE!”

The last word was yelled at a volume that made all three newcomers jump. 

Shortly after the sound had died down, a young man popped into the hallway. “Hey, Mister Sanders, sir! What’s up?”

His eyes slid over and the man spotted Virgil, Logan and Patton. “Oh! You must be his nephews right?”

Virgil winced at the word nephew, but didn’t say anything. 

Which was why Logan took it upon himself to correct the large man. “Actually, our parent goes by they/them pronouns and prefers people not use gendered terms to describe them.”

“Oh!”, the young man - Emile - replied. “Sorry!”

“It’s alright.”, Virgil responded, shooting their son a grateful look.

“Yeah, whatever, great, you can introduce yourselves later. Now go bring their stuff upstairs, Emile, I’m hungry!”, Roman interrupted.

The response was immediate. A business-like look snapped into place on Emile’s face. “Of course, sir!”

He went over and grabbed everyone’s luggage. 

“You sure you can carry all that upstairs?”, Patton asked, eyes wide with awe.

“Sure I can! ‘Cause I’m big and strong and got super many muscles, believe it!”

True to his word, Emile didn’t seem to have any problems carrying all their stuff.

Logan was quite impressed.

“Now. Time for lunch!”, Roman proclaimed.

\--

A week later all of Patton’s excitement about the resurgence of the mystery twins had died down. Their investigations had brought up absolutely nothing and the absence of anything to base Logan’s suspicions made him seem… a bit crazy.

After Patton had gotten severely distracted by some cute person he saw, Logan had given up asking him to tag along. There was no point.

Instead Virgil had come with Logan a few times to the investigations he would go on, but their efforts were fruitless and without his twin it just wasn’t the same.

So Logan had given up the whole thing. His interest in his video games had resurfaced with a vengeance and he was rarely seen without his console.

Even now, when he was supposed to be working, he was stuck to the device. The shop was empty except for one male-presenting teen who had just received a letter from Patton; not that Logan would know. The boy was seated on the counter next to the register. 

Behind him, an equally uninterested cashier - a teenager, sixteen years of age, named Remy - sat, eyes fixed on the smartphone in his hand. He would occasionally take a sip from his coffee, but otherwise didn’t move.

Had Logan been paying more attention to his surroundings and less to his console, he might have seen Patton coming and maybe would have had the time to dodge. As it were, he hadn’t, so when his twin slammed into him, full-force, and tackled him to the floor behind the counter, Logan had in no way been prepared for it.

They landed on the floor with an oomph from Logan and a dull thump. The console, unsurprisingly, fell from his hand and hit the wooden floor with a loud cracking noise.

Remy actually shifted his attention from his phone to peer down at the twins, pushing his sunglasses down to partially reveal his brown eyes. “You okay, sisters? Looked like one bitch of a fall.”

“Pssht!”, Patton replied, putting one finger in front of his mouth, to silence the other. “We’re hiding!”

The boy, while talented at a plethora of other things, was horrible at whispering. Each of his whispered sentences was loud enough to be heard across the entire shop.

“But yes, we’re fine.”, he added after a short pause.

Logan groaned in disagreement, holding his no doubt bruising side.

Remy gave a quiet chuckle. “Gotcha sis.”, he said and leaned back into his chair, pushing the sunglasses back to cover his eyes entirely. His attention was back on the phone and he took a quick sip from his coffee.

“What the heck, Patton!”, Logan meanwhile mumbled, keeping his voice low even through his irritation, and pushed his twin off of himself.

Patton only grinned. “Look!”, he whispered in that way that was audible to everyone in the room and pulled Logan to his feet.

Together, they carefully peered over the counter towards the male-presenting teen who currently appeared to be reading the letter he had received from Patton.

“His name is Jacob and I love him.”, Logan was informed.

After apparently finishing the letter ‘Jacob’ looked up and around, no doubt trying to find the one who had given him the letter. Before he could spot them, Patton pulled Logan back down behind the counter.

Remy, while the straw through which he drank his coffee was still in his mouth, snorted at them.

“I rigged it.”, Patton said with a bright grin, while Logan didn’t have the slightest idea what his twin was referring to.

“Great.”, Logan commented, utterly uninterested in getting involved with Patton’s quest to find a romantic partner. He stood back up, even though his twin quietly urged him not to and dusted himself off.

“If you’ll excuse me.”, with that, he reached past Remy, unable to hide the blush creeping up his features, to retrieve the console that had slid underneath the teen’s chair.

When he pulled it out, he quickly stepped back from the cashier, still furiously blushing; though the blush died down quickly after he took a look at his console.

Cracks ran through the screen now, reminiscent of lightning. There was one big one from one edge to the other and from that smaller ones ate their way through the glass. 

There was even a piece missing.

Patton, though he couldn’t read his brother’s face, because his eyes were concealed by his glinting glasses, knew something was wrong. “Logan…?”, he asked, concern lacing his voice. “...everything okay?”

Anger pooling in Logan’s stomach, he turned around the console, showing off the broken screen.

Patton’s eyes widened. “Oh my gosh, Logan, I’m so sorry!”

Logan formed a fist with one hand and used it to punch Patton in the face.

The other twin, not expecting the attack, stumbled back. “Ouch!”, he exclaimed, holding his cheek. Tears were already forming in his eyes.

Without acknowledging his brother, he briskly walked past Patton.

He, however, wasn’t going to let Logan just get away with that.

“Virgil!”, he yelled and Logan froze.

“What are you-”

“Virgil, Logan punched me!”

And that was how Logan ended up in the creepy part of the woods, hanging up signs in the company of his parent. While he silently fumed, Virgil tried to get Logan to explain himself, not believing that their usually so level-headed son would punch his brother for no reason.

Logan kept silent, choosing to ignore his parent’s attempt at conversation.

“Logan. I know you. I know you wouldn’t just do that for no reason. Please tell me what happened.”

But the boy didn’t answer and so eventually, Virgil gave up. 

They continued working in silence, until…

_ clang clang clang. _

With a confused frown on his face, Logan pulled back the hammer and nail that he’d wanted to use to hang up the sign on the tree. But the tree didn’t make tree noises.

Some hesitation hindered his movements, but he soon put the hammer down and simply knocked against the tree with his fist.

_ Clang clang clang. _

“...This tree is made of metal.”, he observed, speaking the first words in over an hour.

Virgil, who had been working a bit farther off, took notice. “What did you say?”, they questioned as they moved towards their son.

Logan didn’t bother to answer. Instead he ran his fingers along the bark of the ‘tree’. Soon he found crevices, cleverly hidden.

Slowly, he pulled open a secret hatch, the rusted hinges squealed and shrieked loudly as he did so. The cobweb running from the hatch’s door to the weird device inside broke apart with the opening.

Virgil, who was now standing closer to Logan, looked at the ‘tree’ with confusion and more than a bit of trepidation. “Be careful with that.”, they said, as Logan reached inside.

But curiosity overrode Logan’s careful side and he began fiddling with the switches on the odd device. It looked a bit like a radio.

After flicking one of the switches, Virgil let out a surprised yelp and Logan spared a glance over his shoulder - only to freeze in his movements. 

The ground behind him; the ground his parent had been standing on just seconds prior, was moving apart to reveal another secret compartment. This one didn’t hide a weird device however, instead there was an old-looking book inside.

On the front cover there was a shield-like symbol that portrayed a castle amidst the ocean with a sun above. On the ornate symbol was a big, black ‘3’.

Logan exchanged a glance with his parent.

Virgil, now standing a bit off to the side, several steps away from the hidden compartment, shook their head vigorously. “No.”, they said, “Don’t grab the weird probably cursed book!”

“There is no such thing as curses.”, Logan replied and bent down to grab the book.

A gigantic cloud of dust came up with him, when pulled the book out.

He coughed and backed up from the secret hatch in the ground.

His parent anxiously came closer. 

After a few seconds, the dust died down and Logan could breathe normally again. With a glance towards his parent, he opened the rather thick book to the first page. 

It was a journal.

The entire page was covered in elaborate cursive handwriting, though the place at the top, where the date had supposedly been, was unreadable. 

Virgil and him exchanged another glance, before Logan began to read the words aloud:

_ “ After finally finishing my second journal, I have decided to write another. In case you have stumbled across this without knowing the other two, I have chosen this format to document the odd and strange happenings in Gravity Falls.” _

The rest of the text was harshly crossed out and replaced with the words “ _ TRUST NOONE!! _ ” written across the page in bright red letters, and underlined three times.

Logan and Virgil uneasily exchanged another glance.

“FAMILY!”

Logan loudly yelped and almost dropped the book, while Virgil jumped in shock.

“Patton!”, Logan cried out, quickly hiding the book behind his back. “What, I mean,”, he cleared his throat to get rid of the anxious note in his voice, “Why have you come here?”

“Yeah.”, Virgil said, “W- what brings you here?”

“Okaaaay…”, Patton replied, eyeing them both with raised eyebrows. “That was… weird.”

Before either Logan or Virgil could respond, Patton shrugged and continued. “But whatever, keep your nerd-secrets. I’m here to tell you good news!”

Virgil, still feeling quite shaken from the sudden shock and riding out the spike of anxiety, asked: “Oh? What good news?”, their voice shook a bit, but Patton either didn’t notice or didn’t comment.

“I have a boyfriend!”, he exclaimed gleefully.

Logan blinked in surprise and adjusted his glasses. “...we were gone for an hour at most.”

“Yep!”, Patton obliviously agreed. 

His brother and parent looked at one another, concern in their gazes. Logan’s earlier anger at his twin was forgotten as he remembered the bright red words -  _ TRUST NOONE!!  _ \- and it made him quite worried.

“That’s, uh, great, Patton-cake!”, Virgil said, a weak smile on their face, “When can we, uh, meet this… boyfriend?”

Again, Patton either didn’t notice or simply didn’t comment on the odd tone of Virgil’s voice. If Logan were to guess, he’d have said Patton didn’t notice in the euphoria of having a boyfriend.

Virgil would have said Patton didn’t care about them, but they also weren’t thinking too rationally at the moment.

“Right this afternoon!”, Patton exclaimed, happily bouncing in place. “He’ll come over later for a romantic date!”

\--

When the time came, the doorbell rang.

“It’s him!”, Patton yelled and took off, racing towards the front door.

Logan and Virgil exchanged glances.

Only moments later, Patton pulled a teenager into the living room. The teen was covered head to toe in black clothes and had a bit of red stuff stuck to his cheek. There was a twig in his hair.

“Ta-daa!”, Patton exclaimed, presenting his boyfriend.

“...Hi.”, his parent said.

“Salutations.”, Logan said. “...what is your name, if you don’t mind the question?”

The teen suddenly looked… panicked? First he let out only a groan before managing to get out the words: “Normal…. man!”, apparently greatly struggling with speaking.

“It’s Norman.”, Patton elaborated, bright grin still in place on his face.

“...Nice to meet you… Norman…”, Virgil added to the conversation.

“What’s that on your cheek…?”, Logan questioned, eyeing the red almost-but-not-quite liquid on Norman’s face.

“Ahhh…”, the teen replied, eyes widening again, “Strawberry…. jam!”, he explained then.

“No way!”, Patton exclaimed, turning towards Logan. “Lo-bro  _ loves _ jam!”

The more logical of the twins began to blush. “I simply have an appreciation for Crofter’s.”

“More like obsession!”, Patton giggled, but didn’t elaborate further. Instead he grabbed his boyfriend’s arm and pulled him along. “Now, let’s go on that date, Norman!”

“I cannot be the only one who suspects something is off about ‘Norman’, correct?”, Logan asked, as soon as the front door fell shut.

“Definitely not.”, Virgil answered immediately.

They looked at eachother, before simultaneously saying: “Let’s check the book.”

They quickly went upstairs, where Logan pulled the book out from beneath his bed.

Virgil glanced outside, where Patton and ‘Norman’ were hanging out.

“Okay, let’s see…”, Logan flipped through the pages quickly.

Nothing particularly caught his attention as he did, but Virgil suddenly said: “Wait, go back.”

Logan did. The boy’s eyebrows drew together in skepticism. Though he had turned to the book for advice, he didn’t feel particularly confident about the unscientific nature of it.

“Here, see? It says they’re often confused for normal human teenagers!”, Virgil read off the page, anxiously playing with the strings of his hoodie.

Together they once again looked out of the triangular window of the attic to where Patton and Norman were.

While Patton was happily sitting on a bench, obliviously kicking his legs and smiling innocently, Norman approached. That, in itself wouldn’t have been cause for concern, rather it was the way he approached that made Virgil’s anxiety sky-rocket and Logan devolve into a rare display of fear. The two ran up to the window, hammering their fists against it, trying to warn Patton, but the boy didn’t hear them.

Norman shambled closer, arms outstretched in front of him, grabbing Patton to--

place a flower necklace around his shoulders.

Both Virgil and Logan sagged with relief.

The boy hadn’t quite been convinced before, but now?

He looked up at his parent and, fear still fresh in his mind, he said: “He’s a ZOMBIE!”, the last word coming out much louder than he’d intended. Virgil didn’t comment on it.

Somewhere in the gift shop, Remy looked up from his phone in confusion. He glanced over at Emile.

“...did ya hear that, too, sis?”

“Yeah… Sounded like ‘Zombie’?”, Emile answered.

After another second, they shrugged at one another and went back to what they were doing before.

Roman, several rooms down, in the bathroom, stopped trimming his mustache the same time Remy looked up from his phone. “What the fuck?”, he said aloud to himself, knowing no kids were present, meaning he could curse without repercussions.

“Did someone just say… ‘Crombie’?”, he shook his head, looking questioningly at himself in the bathroom mirror. “What’s that even supposed to mean, ‘Crombie’?”

Logan scrambled towards the door, book tightly pressed against his chest.

“We need to warn him!”, he exclaimed, almost losing his footing, if it weren’t for Virgil steadying him. “We need to--”

“--collect evidence.”, his parent interrupted. They were well acquainted with what happened when you went around telling less than believable stories with no proof. It wasn’t an experience they wished on their son.

“Evidence?”, Logan asked, fear and concern still clouding his mind, before he shook his head and agreed. “Right, yes, of course. This is a mere hypothesis at this point with no basis; it needs at least a modicum of evidence to be even remotely believable.”

Vrigil winced a bit at the wording, but it seemed to calm Logan down quite a bit, so they didn’t say anything.

“Okay. Evidence… how to…”, the boy mumbled to himself, before a figurative light bulb went off above his head. “The camera!”

“...the camera?”, Virgil questioned, more confused about how Logan would use it than it’s existence.

“Yes.”, the boy distractedly answered as he rummaged around Patton’s still not unpacked suitcase and pulled out a camera. “Let’s go, they’re leaving.”

Virgil glanced out the window and it was true; Patton and Norman appeared to be well on their way into the woods.

“Okay, let’s go.”, Virgil agreed, following their son outside.

The date Patton and Norman went on was almost sickeningly sweet and normal.

None of what they recorded or saw looked particularly suspicious.

Just a normal date.

Relieved that Patton was not dating a zombie, but also a bit bummed that they’d been wrong, Logan and Virgil returned home after they got spotted by Patton himself.

When asked to explain themselves, they tried to convince the boy that Norman was a zombie - but their own convictions were weak at this point and when Patton got understandably mad they simply left.

“I’m sorry, Logan.”, Virgil said as they arrived back at the shack.

“What is there to be sorry for?”, Logan questioned, confusion mingling into his gaze.

“I roped you into this whole ‘Norman is a zombie’-thing.”, they replied, rubbing their head in shame. “I’m sorry.”

But Logan shook his head. “This is in no way your fault. I made the decision to follow you of my own accord.”

Virgil sighed and nodded with a tiny smile. They patted Logan’s head, before saying: “Thanks. I’m gonna go see if Emile and Remy need any help in the shop. You just relax.” and walked off.

Logan, camera still in hand, sat down on the armchair in the middle of the Shack’s living room. 

With his console still broken and nothing better to do, Logan decided to look through the footage again.

It only confirmed that his and his parent’s suspicions had been utterly wrong. Yes, there was that scene where Norman raised all zombie-like from a grave, but it was only because he’d fallen into it during Patton and his stroll over the cemetery.

Everything else was perfectly normal, date-stuff, that made Logan  _ feel  _ somewhat bad about following his brother on his date and secretly recording him on video.

But then something caught his attention and the bad feeling dissipated in a matter of seconds to be replaced by cold, hard fear. Again.

Sometime during their date, Norman’s hand had fallen off and he’d reattached it.

Clutching the camere close, Logan ran to the shop. “Virgil!”, he yelled, causing his parent to turn with surprise written across their face.

“...what’s wrong?”, at Logan’s distressed expression, concern came over them and they walked towards their son, meeting him in the middle.

“Look!”, Logan said instead of answering, rewinding the video a bit to show Virgil his find.

The already pale adult paled even more. Quickly he approached Remy.

“We need the keys to the golf cart.”

Without so much as looking up from his phone, Remy tossed Virgil his keys.

Emile, who wasn’t standing too far away, followed Logan and Virgil outside to the cart. 

“What’s going on?”, he asked on the way. 

“Patton’s boyfriend is a zombie and we need to save him.”, Logan quickly summarized as he climbed into the golf cart. Once seated he seemed to think a bit, before adding: “Save Patton, not the zombie.”

“Oh, man, dude!”, Emile commented, “I got just what you need!”

With those words the young man handed Logan a shovel. “For the zombie.”, he explained, before also giving him a baseball bat. “In case you see a pinata.”

“...okay…”, Logan replied, stowing the weapons away for now.

“Seatbelt.”, Virgil remarked and their son had barely enough time to put it on before they stepped on the gas.

Patton meanwhile had no idea what was going on. He was still enjoying his date with Norman, that had evolved into a walk in the woods by now.

Without warning, his boyfriend suddenly halted.

“Patton....”, he began and the boy worriedly pulled to a stop as well, anxiously clasping at the hoodie he wore around his neck.

“Is something wrong?”

The teen hesitated, then said: “I… need to tell you something.”   
Patton quickly nodded. “You can tell me anything!”, he promised, while intently hoping for Norman to reveal he was a vampire.

“Well, I, uh,...”

The teen took a deep breath before reaching for the zipper of his hoodie and quickly pulling it down, revealing--

...a bunch of gnomes.

“I’m a bunch of gnomes.”

Patton blinked in confusion. This was so far from anything he could have imagined.

“...what?”

“Well, I’m Jeff and this is Steve and Georg and Richard and that one… that’s, ah. I always forget your name.”

The gnome Jeff was talking to proudly said: “Shmebulock!”

Jeff snapped his fingers. “Right! Shmebulock!

Anyway, Patton, we want you to be our king!”, he pulled out a box with a ring.

Feeling both confused and heartbroken, Patton looked away. “I, oh, this is so… I’m sorry.”, he looked back at the gnomes, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. “I’m a boy… you’re a bunch of gnomes…”, he was stalling and it was painfully obvious.

“So, what do you say? Wanna marry all of us?”, the gnome urged.

“...Not really…”, Patton breathed.

“...oh. Hm. Welp, guess we’re going with plan B then!”

“...plan B?”, Patton asked, taking a step back.

He didn’t get very far at all, when the first gnoma jumped at him.

After a bit of following the forest path, Logan and Virgil heard a scream that was undeniably Patton’s. Not that they’d heard Patton scream in anything but joy before, but they figured it would be awfully coincidental for another person to be screaming in fear while Patton was in danger, so they drove towards the sound.

“Hold on, Patton!”, Virgil yelled, steering right into the forest’s underbrush to reach their son faster, “We’re coming!”

Logan didn’t add anything, on account that he thought Virgil’s words were sufficient and also because he needed to tightly hold on to the cart in fear of his parent’s driving.

They arrived to a scene they hadn’t expected.

Patton was on the forest floor, tied to the ground by gnomes.

“...gnomes?”, Logan asked, momentarily pulled out of the moment by that startling revelation, before Virgil pushed the shovel Emile had given them into his hands. 

He quickly jumped into action; unbuckling his seatbelt and jumping out. With the shovel’s sharp edges he cut the thin ropes binding his brother and together they kicked a bunch of gnomes before joining their parent in the golf cart.

“Seat Belts!”, Virgil yelled again before taking off.

They quickly left the gnomes behind with the breakneck speed Virgil was driving at. 

“I’m so sorry for not listening to you!”, Patton yelled from the backseat.

“Yeah, well, technically we weren’t quite correct either!”, Logan replied.

“Well, more correct than me!”, His twin admitted.

“Boys?!”, Virgil shouted, eyes fixed on the rearview mirror. 

The kids could simply turn in their seats to see what had their parent so concerned.

It was a giant gnome made of all the tiny gnomes making the earth shake with every step.

“We’re screwed!”, Patton screamed, less than optimistic.

“The book!”, Virgil yelled to Logan, “Is there anything in the book?!”

Logan was glad he’d thought to take the journal as he pulled it out now. He frantically flipped through the pages. When he arrived at the gnomes' page, his heart sank and his earlier gladness to have packed the book was replaced by dread. “It lists no weaknesses!”

“Oh, just awesome!”, Virgil sarcastically shouted.

Patton screamed, as a gnome landed next to him on the cart. He quickly pulled out the bat that was stored next to him and used it to hit the little creature.

Another gnome landed above Logan, eating it’s way through the roof’s fabric.

The boy shrieked as he hit it with his shovel several times.

When Virgil punched a gnome several times against the steering wheel, it let out honking noises.

“Shmebulock…”, the gnome miserably said before he was thrown off the cart.

“I have an idea!”, Patton suddenly yelled. “See this mark?!”, he turned his head to show of a bright red, perfectly circular mark on his cheek.

“Is that a hickey?”, Logan asked, while hitting another gnome with his shovel.

“Nope, the leaf blower! Vee, drive to the Shack!”

Not seeing a better option, Virgil took a sharp left turn. The cart just made it, before toppling over, throwing the three seated inside out onto the grass.

“What now?!”, Virgil asked, protectively stepping in front of their children.

“Don’t worry, okay? I got this!”, Patton promised, as he stepped past his parent.

“Remember the leaf blower.”, he whispered to his brother.

The giant gnome beast stood before them.

“Jeff!”, Patton yelled. “Okay, I’ll marry you!”

“What?!”, Virgil exclaimed, before Logan pulled on their sleeve to get their attention. They saw what Logan was trying to tell them and they understood. “I, uh, I mean yeah!”

The beast stopped moving. “Oh!”, Jeff yelled from the top of the giant gnome.

“Awesome!” and he began climbing down, apologizing to each and every gnome he passed on the way down.

He pulled out the ring and Patton gracefully accepted it.

Virgil felt a bit sick watching the whole thing.

“Now, let’s go back to the woods and--”

“You may kiss the groom!”, Patton interrupted with mock shyness.

The gnome stopped in his tracks. “...oh! I mean, if you insist…”

He turned back towards Patton, closed his eyes and leaned in.

“Now!”, Patton yelled and Logan flicked on the leaf blower.

Jeff had just enough time to say “What?!”, before he got sucked in.

Virgil helped their children hold and aim the leaf blower.

“I want a divorce!”, Patton yelled as he flicked the switch and shot Jeff right into the giant mass that was the beast gnome.

The tiny creatures exploded outwards, each one landing at a different location, far from the others. They quickly scrambled back into the woods. Jeff, from somewhere beyond the trees, yelled: “I didn’t like you anyway!”

Virgil, Patton and Logan sat on the ground, stunned that that had worked. Then the hysterical laughter started.

Virgil gathered their children in a hug, holding both of them close, very close.

When the laughter finally died down, Patton grabbed Logan’s hand. 

“Lo-bro?”

“Yes?”, Logan replied, puzzled.

“I’m sorry for breaking your console.”, Patton said sincerely.

Realization dawned on Virgil. “Is that why you punched Patton earlier?”

Logan nodded, looking away, somewhat ashamed. “I also apologize for punching you, that was quite uncalled for.”

Patton smiled. “We good?”

“We good.”

Simultaneously they said: “Awkward sibling hug.”

They then wrapped their arms around each other and, while saying “Pat pat”, patted each other’s backs. They pulled apart and Virgil pulled the boys against their chest again.

“I’m proud of you.”, they proclaimed.

On their way back inside, Patton asked: “What book was that anyway, that you were looking in for answers?”

“Oh, I forgot we did not tell you about this.”, Logan pulled it from his vest pocket. “We found this journal in the woods.”

“Oh!”

They decided that after fighting an army of gnomes, they could trust each other quite thoroughly. As they went through the book together, Patton had the cat on his lap.

The animal already looked much better than he had at the beginning of the week.

“We should really give him a name.”, Virgil remarked, when Logan paused for a moment from his reading out loud.

“We should.”, Patton agreed, raising the cat from his lap to seriously stare into the animal’s face.

“I suppose.”, Logan said, momentarily pulling his attention away from the book.

“How about…”, Patton squinted at the cat’s face, pulling him closer until their noses were touching. “Thomas?”, he put the cat back down in his lap. “He looks like a Thomas.”

“Sounds good to me.”, Virgil agreed.

“It does appear adequate.”, Logan added, though both he and Virgil had expected a name more along the lines of ‘Sir Fluffs-a-lot’. The name ‘Thomas’ was a pleasant surprise.

With the cat named, the three turned back to the book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has cartoon references or something that I could make Emile say please drop them in the comments. I'm really bad at making references xD


End file.
